* * * * * *
EMPLOYMENT..
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He
promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes

* * * * * *
CROCODILE BOOTS..
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and
disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and
watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs
and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"

* * * * * *
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk
responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
The sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks,
"What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says,
"What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things
hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

* * * * * *
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it
home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it
because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai
ghar pe nahin hai"

* * * * * *
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!

* * * * * *
What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper ?
(he already has one and he wants one more..)
He takes a photocopy of the white paper !!!

* * * * * *
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.
Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab
from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta
Singh replied, "No problem! we'll
attack USA, it would take over us and then we would
be a state of USA and we'll automatically
get developed." All the surds became happy on this
very simple solution but an old surd did
not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he
wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT
WOULD
HAPPEN
IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"

* * * * * *
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his
hair style, and returned to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a
complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new
outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

* * * * * *
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

* * * * * *
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

* * * * * *
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

* * * * * *
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

* * * * * *
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

* * * * * *
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

* * * * * *
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

* * * * * *
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

* * * * * *
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.

* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.

* * * * * *
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

* * * * * *
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

* * * * * *
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

* * * * * *
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone

* * * * * *
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

* * * * * *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

* * * * * *
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

* * * * * *
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as
opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

* * * * * *
TO LOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34
kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the
doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

* * * * * *
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to
Ludhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

* * * * * *
A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his
friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai
cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki
cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "

* * * * * *
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway
tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody
stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji
replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"

* * * * * *
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt
sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on
the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees,
the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep,
the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the
Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his
face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the
train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

* * * * * *
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your
donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji
replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at
that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

* * * * * *
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the
birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How
come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji
read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a
Chinese."

* * * * * *
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to
the outer space
.
The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (
its the barking sound )
"Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"

* * * * * *
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which
has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the
clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll
go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having
waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the
next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same
street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a
thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives
him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and
I'll go get a ladder."

* * * * * *
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They
managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow
managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.
After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend
Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in
front with both hands, scared to death.
He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin'
on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"

* * * * * *
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "
Iwas ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the
phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh
Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

********************************************

THE BEST OF THE BEST.....

This is a letter from a Sardarji mother to her son

Pyaarey Puttar,

Vahe Guru

I'm writing this letter slow, because I know that
you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your
dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home,
so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the last Sardar
who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their next house,
so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice.
It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not
sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain
and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained
only twice last week. The first it rained for 3 days and second time for
4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a
little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we
cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 people under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your
sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I
don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your Uncle,
Jatinder fell in a the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he
fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned
for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying
to fulfil his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in
the sea after he died. Your friend died while in the process of digging a
grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much
has happended

Love

Mom.

P.S : I was going to send you some money but the
envelope was already sealed.