Six reasons computers must be female

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to   everyone else.

2. The message, "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as: If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you.

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

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Q. Why must we put on our pants one leg at a time?

   A. If we jumped into our pants, simultaneously placing both legs in at one time, we would land heavily on the ground. As a majority of us are getting dressed at the same time of the morning, the cumulative effect would cause an earth tremor. Due to the use of time zones, the tremor established in Eastern Time would arrive in the central zone at precisely the moment all those people were jumping into their pants. The tremor would increase in size exponentially, and proceed west to combine with the mountain zone folks as they get dressed. As this cycle encircles the globe, it would feed upon the next day's tremor and eventually cause the earth's crust to break apart and float into space. This is why we put our pants on one leg at a time.

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Q: Why is yawning contagious?

A: People yawn when the pressure between their ears is different from that of the outside pressure. The yawning pops the ears and thus balances the inside and outside pressure. Because of the balancing there is a perceptible drop or increase in the surrounding room pressure. And if at this moment there is another person present in the vicinity of the yawning person, this change in room pressure will cause him to yawn to balance his in-between-ear pressure to that of the room pressure. Thus the cycle goes on till the inside-ear-pressure of all the persons and that of the room pressure is equal. But since every time someone yawns, there is a change in room pressure causing some one else to yawn, the cycle never ends - UNLESS all the people in the room yawn at the same time. Since the probability of all the people yawning at the same time s very low, the yawning goes on and on, leading us to believe that yawning is contagious.

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English is a funny Language

There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught, Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play, Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as It burns down
And in which you fill in a form By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.